HR Girl Tells ALL

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HR GIRL TELLS ALL

So I’m the first person who wants to see a Celebrity Death Match between Avon and Mary Kay but when going on an interview, please just kill them both.

I think I’ve mentioned this before but just in case….scent is a powerful thing. Be careful, if the wind blows up the wrong receptacle, you could lose a job by a nose.

Too much makeup can also be distracting. I can remember several instances when I could not focus due to poorly placed blue eye shadow. I can’t help it. I have a short attention span.

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Now playing at a theatre near you:

I Don’t know vs. I know Everything

Starring: I Don’t Remember and I Have To Check

Co-Starring : Oh Yeah, That’s My Specialty

And special appearances by: Not Sure

No need to wait on line all night to see this one folks. I have already met these actors personally during several hundred interviews over my career.

Let me just say that there are many fine places in between over confident and comatose. Please find one of them.

Slicky HR People:

I find honesty refreshing but you have to know what the interviewer is trying to find out. HR people are slick (almost lawyer like). They ask you questions around the questions that they really want to know to see how much you will tell them.

That is their job.

They have to interrogat..interview the potential employee to the best of their ability. After all, if they hire you based on their own observations and you don’t work out for some reason…well…kinda looks bad on them. So watch out, they can be extra sluethy sometimes.

Now in all fairness, they search out for the good as well as the evil. Remember, they also want to claim the credit and be the Hero when you become President of the company one day.

What makes me hire an applicant??:

So you finally got an interview. Now how do you actually get that job you are salivating for?

Here are some of the attributes that I look for and they may not be what you think.

There was a job opening a few years back for a an Administrative Assistant that I had to fill.

Now this position was for an assistant to be assigned to a high powered player in our company and I knew just what He was looking for in a candidate (but that didn’t stop me).

I met with many applicants for over two weeks and He was becoming impatient (just one aspect of his sunny nature).

One afternoon, a gentleman came in to interview for this position. Don’t get many men for Admin positions so I love to talk to them when they do come in. Just curious I guess.

Joe (not the plumber) had me at hello.

No, not because he was cute or over the top well dressed (or easy on the eyes). Although I am not immune to these qualities.

It was something that shone in him. His smile was sure. His handshake was confident (love a guy who doesn’t shake my hand like a dead fish because I'm a girl) Note to self, comeback to handshake.

I had already reviewed his resume so I had a good sense of his background (up to me to see if it was all accurate later) and qualifications which is why I set up the interview in the first place.

Now, while I can’t teach a course on how to shine internally or how to levitate but if you will allow me to exercise my spiritual nature a bit, I will expand.

When you radiate from within, I believe that it comes from one of two things.

Either you are genuinely happy or completely stupid.

Being stupid in this case, not that there is anything wrong with that, is probably not a bad place to be considering how unhappy you would be otherwise.

Here is the spiritual part, bear with me, I believe that we are all responsible for our own happiness.

I know, I know...but keep reading anyway...

In other words, I can either choose to be miserable or I can choose to be happy.

I can choose to stay or I can choose to go.

Or I can choose to be happy about staying even though I want to go.

Get it?

When you go to a restaurant, you order something you want and like and that you know will make you happy right?

You choose to do this.

You wouldn't order the fish if it made you miserable.

You are so all in charge of all of your choices (especially the mental ones!).

O.K. let me try this. What would happen if tomorrow I decided that when I looked at myself nude in the mirror I didn’t want to shoot myself?

Didn’t want to throw myself in front of the nearest moving vehicle?

Lecture myself for not being a perfect, lean, fat free machine?

And decided that, well, I looked…well…o.k….GOOD.

Well? What do you think would happen? Tell me!

Take a guess.

O.K. Will will tell you:

I would be fu*!#%en Happy. (still working daily on this one example myself but this theory is applied several times a day in my life and, truly, IT WORKS. I’m not selling anything so believe me)

Now whose fault would that happiness be?

MINE.

Who created the happiness?

ME.

How did it happen?

Well, I just decided to.

I could also decide to throw up after eating but that is just gross.

So who can it hurt to just be o.k. with stuff instead of not?

It is so damn simple that it is mind boggling.

So loud that dogs might only hear it.

But I have said my peace.

Back to Joe.

So we have already established that he had a winning quality that I wanted (need to be the Hero remember?).

I had Interviewed him.

Tested his abilities.

Questioned him like a murder suspect (in a unsuspecting, HR kinda way).

And I was sold.

But will He like him? You have to remember when going on a job interview, that it is not just the person you are interviewing with that determines your fate.

They are hiring you for the company or, more often than not, a specific person which unfortunately comes with a specific personality.

When I was hired, I feel that it was because of my unique skill sets as well as my sparkling personality.

I believe that each person has something to bring to the table. They just need to apply all of their skills and ideas to their job performance.

Sometimes not everyone agrees, but if you wanted R2-D2 to work for you that is who you should have hired.

That being said, I knew this applicant was right for the position but I also knew he would be met with resistance.

What no skirt to look up?

No cleavage?

Sad but true. It is still out there ladies..more than you think.

So again, in my head, this applicant was perfect and if a little side benefit would keep Him focused on his job instead of legs, better for the company and who knows..probably better for him as well down the line.

He never has to know that I was the catalyst to his success.

I can also be a quiet Hero when necessary.

So what do you think happened?

I hired him. He loved him (after a short silent pouting period of adjustment).

Joe was perfect for the job and I knew it.

Sometimes you have to go on instinct. I once hired a girl that cried throughout the entire interview.

Now I am not a fan of the weepy applicant but I saw through the sobs and still have that great employee working with me today.

Turns out she was just having a tough time. I'd been her 6th interview that week. She'd pretty much had the same teary performance at the other stops, so it was safe to say that I didn't have to snatch her away from the competition.

But you know what? Her loyalty to me and my company runs deep. I can depend on her for anything and she is here to stay.

So what makes me hire an applicant?

Depends on the applicant. Each person gives off a different impression. The trick is to get me or anyone to see the thing that is great about you. Get past the nerves and get your greatness to shine!!!

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KEEPING THE JOB:

This section might be a little premature for some but I have high hopes for everyone out there looking.

When (and you will) get the job, you want to make sure that you keep it right?

So when the popcorn bucket is empty, there is nothing to do but concentrate on what is in front of you. Your job. Doing it well and doing it consistently.

What are some things that can help you keep a job?

Well, as an HR person, and as basic as they may seem, I would want to see the following things from any new employee:

Be on time (early is better) consistently. Don’t be a nut. Just be on time.

Learn how things run first and then incorporate your previous skills and knowledge to enhance how things are currently being run.

Nothing worse than a Know-It-All who doesn’t listen to the trainer. Bad, bad, bad way to start a job.

Word will travel faster than Mexican food diarrhea that you are a pompas know-it-all ass.

Appropriate Attire: Now if you didn’t interview with five facial piercings, 80’s leggings and Foghorn Leghorn hair, don’t pick your first few days to make a statement.

It’s like false advertising. And it is a crime by the way.

Get along- don’t make waves - I’ll always remember what my mother told me in Elementary school ‘if you say something bad about someone else, it will always come back to you’ (and it always did damn it).

You don’t know anyone yet.

Imagine, and I am afraid I have seen it happen, being new to a job and off handedly bad mouthing a co-worker that has been working for the company for over 7 years?

Doesn’t sound that bad?

Imagine you had bad mouthed them to their sister.

How was I supposed to know they were related?

Don’t worry, plenty of jobs out there right?

There is no way to possibly know all the ins and outs of your newly acquired Office Politics on the first few weeks of the job.

Co-workers have deep ties (even though they might hate each other).

Try to stay as far away as possible, even though I know that this will never happen.

You will be in the politics mix soon enough, whether you like it or not. Unfortunately, some things just cannot be avoided.

Those of us who know the true depth of the Office Politics pool understand.

Off the record:

One thing I have to mention (not On The Job H.R. speaking now)…Is it is o.k. to take lunch or leave at your scheduled time.

Don’t be afraid.

I know..I know..I have been trying to get you in and get the job for five pages but I don’t want you to lose yourself in the still lingering need a job desperation state of mind.

It is an easy thing to do. There always has to be a balance no matter what frame of mind you are currently housing.

Your work. Your life.

Your time. Their Time.

Your paycheck. Their paycheck.

Checks and Balances.

Most employees are very timid the first few weeks on the job and that is understandable.

My favorite saying (off the job) is that if you don’t respect your time no one else will.

Once an employer gets a taste of you living and breathing for them 24/7, you can never go back.

And, they will never want or expect anything less.

So if you have never taken your lunch hour since starting your job, because you wanted to make a good impression and then start to do so after 4 weeks into a job, when you finally do get hungry, it might look like you are getting slacky.

Crazy right?

But you know I’m right.

I’m not saying not to work hard. Definitely give 100% effort during your scheduled hours. No employer should ever ask for more…even though they all do. But have some backbone at the start. It will definitely save you some headaches later.

Remember, without balance you will fall…eventually.

O.K. I am back on the job........

Now Letmetellyousomething:

Nobody throws up ALL night.

I know it is the oldest, safest and most comfortable call-out excuse in the book but come on. Please, you might as well just say 'I'm not coming in today 'cause I just don't feel like it'.

I know you can't say that and you are certainly not going to admit the hang over but try to come up with something a little better than that. Who knows, with a little creativity, they might actually believe it's true.

Shake like a man:

For God's sake, please have firm (and dry) handshake.

There is nothing worse than a flimsy, dainty, girlie handshake.

Man up. Make a presence from the start.

Whew! I feel better now.

Pet Peeve # 5647:

Don't Bring A Friend to an interview

An interview is not a trip to the Mall to buy shoes.

Even if they drove you, DON'T bring them in with you!

I still see this to this day.

Pretend it is a ransom drop off. Come alone!

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<title>Nail the Next Job interview..Here's how to get the job</title>

Human Resources, HR Girl Tells All !!!!!