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Really Bad Interview Play
Written by This Could Be You.
Setting: Modern Office Reception area
Players: Male Applicant (25ish) & Female H.R. Rep (Hot 40ish…
Hey, it’s my play)
Let's begin.....
Resume in hand, the applicant carefully trails the H.R. Rep to an
unknown area where the impending interview will take place.
Applicant quickly scans the surrounding desks and passing
employees warily, he follows the H.R. Rep at a not-so-safe distance
and completes a covert eye sweep of her ass (H.R. Rep works
out).
He then takes a speedy account of visible female employees and
calculates ratio to opposite gender.
While mentally weighing the imminent social life potential, the H.R.
Rep stops abruptly and is met with a rear body slam.
Applicant is clearly shaken and apologizes profusely as he bends to
retrieve the resume strewn in body wreckage.
H.R. Rep visibly intact (cool as well as hot), exhales silently and
ignores the muffled laughter by the nothing-better-to-do-stand-
around- employees.
She smiles and tries to put him at ease with her professional and no
problem attitude, taking a mental note to revisit the list
of certain watchers’ apparent lack of responsibilities later.
With no licenses to be exchanged or accident reports to fill out, the
H.R. Rep escorts Applicant into what looks to be an enormous
conference room.
Both take their seats at the impressive shiny mahogany table with
no visible fingerprints whatsoever.
Applicant darts a look across the room and takes note of the state of
the art equipment at hand.
A slight salivating begins in the applicants glands, as he apparently
remembers why he is there.
This is the job he wants.
If the ad on the internet was correct, he would be making twice as
much as was making now.
That boiled down to a no-wait 46” flat screen T.V..
He has been wishing for an opportunity like this since he graduated
college.
He smugly daydreamed of his resignation speech and the
incredulous sputtering from his soon to be ex-employer at his
unexpected exit.
He had this job tightly locked and bullseyed in his eagle eye scope.
Get past the H.R. Rep, she looked easy, and the rest would be
smooth sailing.
I’ve got this.
Nobody is better suited for this job than me.
Didn't even see anyone else waiting to be interviewed.
Maybe I am the only one who even called about this job.
Perhaps I should ask for more money than advertised.
Oh Man...She will be begging for me to come work here.
I wonder if a 52” would be better?
And …….SCENE:
Casual and HOT H.R. Rep: ‘So why are you looking to leave your
current position?’
Still On Cloud Dollar Sign Applicant: ’ Uh..well, the pay for one.
Damn. Strike one.
Still Hot and Cool, Casual Resume Perusing H.R. Rep: ‘It looks
like you have been with your current employer for about 3 years.'
'We are looking for someone to start immediately. If considered,
when would you be able to start?’
Anxious Salivating Applicant: ‘Right away. No worries.’
Huge Red Flag Noticing H.R. Rep: ‘Um, so you would not
consider giving them notice?’
Oh sh*t Applicant: ‘Well I have two weeks vacation coming so
they can use that’
FADE TO BLACK.
College educated. Tremendous technical background. Sturdy work
history. Not bad on the eyes either.
….All destroyed in seconds because anything after this last bit of
conversation will be shelved in the Not Gonna Get The Chance
to Do the Same to Me drawer.
THINK ABOUT IT...If you cheated on your girlfriend or boyfriend
with your new girlfriend or boyfriend, don’t you think that she or he
would always wonder just a little bit, if you will do this to them also?
Well, same rules apply in the job market.
If you dump a company with no notice, there is nothing to say that
you wouldn’t do the same to them.
Had enough of the wrong answers ?????
Me too!!!
Being anxious to work is great but being irresponsible and
thoughtless to your current employer shows a poor side of your
responsibility gene.
Remember, even if an employer wants you badly, they will respect
you more if you show just a little restraint and responsibility to your
current job.
They still might be impatient to have you start but they will be
happy to wait for a true and responsible professional!
Oh and in case you were wondering, here are some Perfectly
Acceptable Responses to the above interview questions:
Q) So why are you looking to leave your current position?
P.A.R.) I'm really not looking right now but a friend told me about
this position and it really looked interesting and I am always open to
new opportunities. (Oh yeah, not desperate, acceptably curious,
make 'em talk you into the job).
or
P.A.R.) I am really looking forward to a new challenge. I feel that I
have hit my growth ceiling in my current position and there are no
future opportunities for me there, although it has been a great
experience (love an applicant that speaks highly of current
employer instead of going thru the details of the horrible boss man)
(Please feel free to use your own words so that you don't sound like
a Resume Objective).
THE END
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